I had an epiphany the other day. And it involved physical intimacy, or at least, that was the catalyst.
I often don't enjoy touching so much with my husband because I have far too much time to think about my fat, and I know he can feel it. How can he say I am beautiful, or that he loves me when he's touching me? It feels like a lie because I hate the fat, and how can he touch me and say he loves me, when he has to hate the fat too?
The other day, in a moment of unusual generosity, I let him touch me and tried to put myself in the moment, away from the negative thoughts. For a fleeting moment I had a feeling of POWER. I felt powerful. And I realized that that's the problem I'm having right now with food in my life. There's been a power shift, and I've given over my power to someone else - something else. Food.
But when did I give up my power? How did I lose it? I think I know when it happened. I think I know why it happened. That was all part of my epiphany. But I'll have to tell you more about it another time. That's my carrot to dangle in front of you so you can come back another time.
For today, I did much better on the water. I drank four glasses! Hurray! I even have a graphic for that one:
It's the start of a new week, but I'm going to stick with my six-glass baby step. I did four well, but I struggled with six, so I'm going to continue to work on it. Plus, with Christmas this week, there's no way I can do more than that.
I ate quite a bit of sweets today, but I'm not sweating it too much. No food feelings, that I can identify today. I'm really happy with the water, so I'm going to celebrate that and not worry about anything else right now.
