Treating Myself Like a Child

I made myself a reward chart. Seriously. And just like a child, I am not getting all gold stars. I'm getting some, and some is progress, but I'm certainly not perfect. Haven't we already established that fact?

My big goal was to lose 2 pounds a week before my family Vegas vaction in February, but I don't think I'll make it. I'm not worried though. Whether I've lost the weight or not, I'll have moved forward in my quest to be healthy and strong. And that's something, right?

The first week, I set some goals that were just way too big and I didn't meet any of them. So last week, I dialed it back and did much better. My goals were to, go to Jazzercise once, drink 8 glasses of water a day, and walk 2500 steps each day.

I met my Jazzercise goal and my steps goal. I drank 8+ glasses five of the seven days. I'm happy with that!

This week, my goal is Jazzercise 2x, 3000 steps a day and I'm still working on the 8 glasses of water a day.

What goals are you working on?

Exercising With a Goal in Mind

Well, so far I've pretty much sucked at making health and fitness goals, right? So what better time to set yet another goal. And publish it here. Of course. Because I love public humiliation.

Except for that little hope that maybe, just maybe, this'll be the time that I actually do what I set out to do.

Skinny Man has committed to do this particular plan with me--not that that'll increase my chances of success at all--he's even worse just as bad as me.

But, at least I'm not giving up. I'm gonna try. Again.

So, today is Monday. I found this plan in the latest edition of Family Circle magazine, and I'm starting on my plan today. I found a race coming up in seven weeks (this plan is for six weeks) that Skinny Man and I are going to do. It costs money. Hopefully that'll be enough incentive to motivate him--and that'll be enough to motivate me in turn.

It's not a Komen race or anything, which I would have preferred, but it's in the right time frame so it'll still be worth it.

Want to join me?

5K Slim-Down Plan (Family Circle Magazine, Oct 1. 2010)

WK	MON	TUES	WED	THURS	FRI	SAT	SUN
1	.5-mile walk	Cross-train 30 minutes (swim, bike, hike, elliptical, yoga)	1-mile walk	Rest	1.5-mile walk	1.5-mile walk	Rest
2	1.75-mile walk	Cross-train 30 minutes	1.5-mile walk	Rest	1.75-mile walk	1.75-mile walk	Rest
3	2-mile walk	Cross train 30 minutes	2-mile walk	Rest	2.5-mile walk	2.5-mile walk	Rest
4	2-mile walk	Cross train 30 minutes	2.5 mile walk	Rest	3-mile walk	3-mile walk	Rest
5	2-mile walk	Cross-train 30 minutes	2.5-mile walk	Rest	3-mile walk	3-mile walk	Rest
6	2.75-mile walk	Cross-train 30 minutes	2.5-mile walk	Rest	Rest	5K Day!	Rest

Things That Make Me Fat

My apologies for not writing in so long. It's not that I'm totally skinny now and don't need to think about my weight. No, no, it's not that at all. It's just that . . . I haven't wanted to look at my weight issues too closely, ya know?

Recently, a local news station ran a bit about the dangers of taking hCG without a doctor's care and my "pusher" (lol) has decided she doesn't want to be a drug dealer and so she's not going to facilitate getting the medicine anymore. I wasn't even really sure I wanted to, I don't know. I loved it the first time round when I really worked the program the way I was supposed to. But didn't like it so much the second time when I was a bit more carefree with the restrictions.

However, I liked knowing it was still an option for me. I'm quite sure I won't be signing up with a local weight weight loss clinic for $200 a pop. No, probably not.

Yet, the bulk (ha!) of the weight remains and my issues with it still remain. I have been really good at not binging for quite some time, but . . . I still have things that make me fat.

1. I stay up late and sleep in late, leaving no time for exercise in the morning (really my only time for exercise because I home school and then we're on the run until evening and then I'm too exhausted to exercise.)
2. I like food that's bad for me. I like hamburgers and fries and we eat out a lot. Way, way too much. Because my family, and I, like it. And I don't want to choose a salad, I want the hamburger.
3. We eat out a lot. Mainly because I get tired or stressed or I haven't adequately planned the week's menu. Or I planned, but I failed to get groceries. It's like sabotage. Oh gee, there's nothing for dinner, guess we should eat out!
4. Sometimes I just like to pop something into my mouth. Cookies work really well for this. They're small, yummy, and easy to grab and go. Fruits take far more work, plus they are bigger, and sometimes I don't want to eat that much. So I just eat crap instead.
   
5. I can't resist nighttime snacking when Skinny Man brings out the Fritos or ice cream. I don't always have what he's having, but his snacking awakens my own desires and I just. can't. resist. must. snack.
6. I don't drink nearly enough water. 'Nuff said.

Because there's nothing more fun that beating a dead horse, I'm back here again. Self-flagellation and all that. (So, I'm a dead horse? Hmm . . . might explain a few things.)

This week I'm going to work on 1 and 6. Going to bed at a decent time, getting up early, and drinking water. I'm not going to say how much, just more will suffice.

If you're reading this, where are you in your weight-loss journey? What's working for you? Or how will you, like me, start over, again?

Cheating on the hCG Diet

Oh yeah, this time round has not been a walk in the park.

It's the chicken and the egg argument all over again. Am I hungry so much because I've been cheating a little? Or has the diet not been meeting my needs this time and so I've been cheating?

It's a conundrum, I know.

I've been on the diet for two weeks now and I'm suffering, man. I've had pizza, I've had a bowl of cereal, I've had some popcorn. Bad, bad, bad.

I've lost almost six pounds, but seriously? Come on, that's lame.

I'm trying to focus and tough out the last week of the low-cal part of the diet, but tomorrow's my birthday so, yeah ... not feeling all the confident. But I'm gonna try. Seriously.

I really wanted to get to 155 this round of the diet. That's five more pounds and I've only lost 5.5 in two whole weeks, so I'm not sure how confident I am that I can meet that goal. *sigh*

Maybe it's because I don't have any friends doing the diet with me with this time. Last time, I shopped with friends, shared meal ideas, shared meals even. Definitely, those things were a big help last time and I really miss them. I feel so weak without a friend to support me.

So it hasn't been a stellar go at the diet this time and I can definitely see how some people might hate the diet if this was how their first attempt went. Luckily, my first time was excellent, so I'm not ready to write the diet off because I'm having a bad couple of weeks.

Even if I weren't to lose any more weight than the near-six I've lost so far this round, this diet has still been a resounding success. I've lost almost twenty pounds in three months. That's not shabby at all.

A Righteous Struggle

I was going to complain about the struggle I am having with this whole thing, but then I realized, at least I am still struggling. It could be worse. I could give up.

I haven't lost any more weight since those two pounds I lost when I first started this effort. However, I haven't gained them back. And I'm not giving up. And, honestly, I ate like a pig. Cookies? Bring 'em on. McDonald's? Sure, get me a Big Mac. 

So how could I expect to lose weight eating like that, right?

Skinny Man gave me a blessing a week or so ago and I was instructed to make small manageable goals and I would be successful. So, while I'm tempted to go hog wild and add a bunch more restrictions, I'm not going to do that.

My goals remain the same as last week, and will until I get a hang of those things.

However, there is one thing I did not do last week that I am going to try to do better at this week: I am going to rely more on Heavenly Father and read the helpful scriptures and talks I have for each month for help and inspiration.

I will not give up.

Say it with me folks . . .

I weigh 130 lbs and I am beautiful, healthy and happy.

Time To Get That Spark

Well, I'm a pound off of my goal. I was disappointed to not see the scale dip this week, but I can't say that I'm surprised. After all, I did have a couple cookie-fests this week (thanks Girl Scouts!) and I suppose increasing your water intake and cutting back on night-time eating will only take you so far.

But, the more I think about it, the more I really, REALLY want to lose that twelve pounds by Memorial Day. And more, besides. I WANT this. I don't want to quit. 

I CAN DO THIS.

I think.

No, really. I can. 

Probably.

So here's my goals for this week:

1. Drink 6 glasses of water a day.
2. Do not eat past 8:00 p.m.
3. Go to karate twice.
4. Exercise at home once.
5. Track what I eat.

I'm not going to make an official effort to eat less yet. I just want to get into the habit of tracking what I eat. I found a wonderful program that helps you track what you eat, and your exercise, and find wonderful support ALL FOR FREE. Yes, for free! I know! Like what can you get for free these days, eh? 

And I'm not pulling your chain here either. I've been 'on' this site for several months now, I just haven't been committed. But now I am. Oh yeah, baby.

So what's the mystery? I'll tell ya . . . 

SparkPeople!!!

So what's the mystery? I'll tell ya . . . SparkPeople really does seem pretty dang amazing. Check it out. It's easy and fun to use, really does seem to have amazing resources and, like I said, it's all FREE. 

That little voice in the back of my head is trying to tell me I can't do this. And the thing is, by myself, I certainly couldn't do it. I love food way too much, hate exercise way too much, and generally don't think a whole lot of myself--all of which spells disaster when it comes to losing weight.

BUT, my Father in Heaven loves me, He seems to think a great deal about me and for the first time in my life I think He might have an interest in helping me. For the first time, I think I might be ready to let Him.

A New Week ~ A New Goal

I did super last week!

I even lost two pounds. Isn't that amazing? It's tempting, when you've had some success, to do more and more--which, for a person like me, can spell disaster. I had been planning to do just that, but when I prayed about it, I felt that I should just increase my weekly goal by a very little bit.

Last week, my goal was to drink four glasses of water a day and to not eat past 9:00. 

This week, I will drink five glasses of water and not eat past 8:30 p.m. I'm also going to stretch each morning and go to all three of my karate classes. Baby steps boys and girls! Baby steps!

I've also been doing a good job of saying my mantra to myself. It is a very powerful thing. For the first time in a long time I've been able to envision what I will look like when I'm all done. When I shower I can imagine the fat being washed off of my body along with the soap.

Sing with me "I'm gonna wash that fat right off of my bod, I'm gonna wash that fat right off of my bod, I'm gonna wash that fat right off of my. And send it on its way!" (courtesy of South Pacific, of course.)

When I look in the mirror, particularly after a shower when (gasp!) I'm naked, instead of scowling at my blubbery self, I smile and say my mantra. It's possible for me, then, to see where I still have curves and where my real self is hiding underneath.

I was thinking that for me, being fat, is like curling up under layers of warm, soft quilts. I go to hide in there when I don't want to face the world. When I'm feeling down and out, I just want to curl up in a ball where no one can see me because I'm so small. Or, hide under the quilts. I wonder if that's what I've done to myself. Covered myself up with layer upon layer of nice fat quilts so that I can hide my true self from the world. Hmm.

So it's a slow and sometimes painful process to peel back those quilts, but I'm starting to think it might not be so bad. And my mantra is helping me to believe that.

I weigh 130 lbs, and I am beautiful, healthy and happy.

Uh Oh. She's Been Thinking.

First of all, thanks to Jeri for the link to that excellent article. I read it. I am still pondering it. I may post on it in the future. Thanks again!

OK, so what have I been thinking about? Well, several things, actually.

A bunch of things have been colliding in my brain.

• Jonathan Roche wrote an article for Flylady.com that said we needed to have specific goals, not vague ones. Specific goals have been proven to be more effective in motivating people so they actually reach those goals.
• I re-read What To Say When You Talk To Yourself which says you need to say ten positive things to yourself for each negative thing you say because we are more likely to listen to the negative.
• This book also says you need to be specific about the goal you want to reach. For instance, if you want to weigh 130 lbs, tell yourself you weigh 130 lbs, rather than saying you weigh 'less'. Be specific.
• Another Flylady.com email this week suggested to us that if we set the goal to lose one pound a week, by Memorial Day we would have lost twelve pounds. Maybe that wouldn't make a huge impact on how we looked, but I can bet that it would make a huge impact on how we felt about ourselves.
• I have a habit of failing at the diets I try. But baby steps might work.

So, I'm going to try something. I'm going to try a combo of the things I just mentioned. I've already said this out loud to my honey, so now I'm writing it down. I will not beat myself up if I slip up. I will not. I will not. I swear it. (Remind me of this if I forget, ok?)

1. I will lose 12 pounds by Memorial Day, 2009.
2. For every negative thing I say to myself or about myself, I will repeat a positive mantra ten times. An example of what I might say is "I weigh 130 lbs, and I am beautiful, healthy and happy."
3. For the next week I will drink four glasses of water a day. Currently I'm lucky to drink two--I know the goal is to drink eight or more a day, but for now, I'm going to concentrate on baby steps. So, four glasses a day for the next week.
4. For the next week, I will not eat past 9:00 p.m. Again, I know the goal is to not eat past 7:00 p.m., but I tend to like to eat late at night, so I'm going to start with a goal that I feel is within reach. 

I am practicing have a positive attitude. I don't know how I'll do as I've failed lots and lots, but I do think these goals are doable, and even if I don't meet these goals, I think I'll be better off.

Care to join me?