Time To Go To War

All I've really got to say is that I'm sucking again. But I'm not going to talk about the sucking, because that doesn't do me any good at all. It doesn't do you any good, either. So, for this post, no complaining is allowed!

When I was doing NutriSystem I met this girl named Alie. One of the awesome things about NS is the amazing discussion boards filled with the most supportive people ever. Alie was one of them. She started at the same time as me and she embraced the program with ferocity.

Alie viewed her fat as the enemy and she'd stop at nothing to defeat it.

She didn't feel sorry for herself, bemoan her lack of self-control, or hate herself for ever getting fat in the first place. Instead, she fought.

Her body had been invaded in the cover of darkness, but now that she could see the intruders in the light of day, so to speak, she wasn't going to let them just take over.

When she worked out and her body ached, she'd imagine the fat cells running away screaming. "Take that!" she'd say, and work out even harder. When she craved sweets, she'd eat something better and think "Ha! Foiled again!" because her fat-making cravings didn't win out.

Of course Alie's human, and occasionally she didn't win the battle. But she didn't surrender, either. She simply regrouped her "troops" (the NS plan, her support group, her courage, her belief in herself) and she'd be back on the battlefield, armed and ready to win.

I'm glad I wrote this post, I needed it. This is a war. A war over my health and wellbeing, a war I can't afford to lose. So maybe my troops lose their way sometimes, or they aren't the best trained or dedicated fighters. But wars have been won by less and even if it takes the rest of my life, I can't afford to just surrender to the enemy. It's mine, damnit. All mine.

It's time I acted like it.

Take That

Today I had a realization. Except unlike most aha moments when you suddenly realize how to make something better in your life, this little brain blast left me feeling pretty darn depressed.

I am not disciplined.

And it's not just my health, either. It's pretty much everything.

Oh, sure. I'm a grown up and certain things need to be done when you're a grown up. I can pay my bills on time, keep my house reasonably well, and all that stuff.

What I don't seem to be able to do is keep any promises to myself.

I say I'm going to write, but I don't. I'm going to eat well, exercise. But I don't.


I can fulfill my promises to other people ~ why can't I pay myself this simple courtesy?

This is definitely one of those "things that make you go hmm" moments. But now that I know where my shortcoming lies, I can face it head on, look it in the eye, and work toward defeating it. 

Take that you lazy pansy!