Radio Silence

I'm not sure blogging about my struggle to lose weight is helping me as much as I'd like right now. So I'm going into radio silence for a while. Perhaps I will come back, perhaps not.

If you want to reach me, feel free to email me at inetsupergrrl at yahoo dot com.

Otherwise, good luck to you!

Enough....is enough!

I am shouting to the world..."Enough already!" I...am...sick...of...being...fat. I have been fat my whole life, and I have had enough. I have had many moments through out my life where I was tired of being fat, and would go on a diet, and would fail...or lose it and gain it back. I have had lots of excuses to lean upon that have kept me fat...things from my childhood that have spilled over into my adult life that has made me feel "safe" with all my fat, and in control of MY life, because I can eat whatever I want and no one can tell me otherwise!

I have had lots of excuses the past several years that because I have been under extreme stress, it is OK to emotionally eat my way to obesity. I have dealt with loved ones dying from cancer, I am constantly dealing with my husband and all of his health problems that have literally taken all of my emotional time and energy...and on and on.

You know what I came to realize? My life (and yours) will ALWAYS be stressful. I keep waiting for the time when things will calm down a little...and then I'll lose weight. That candybar sure makes me feel better when I am waiting for my husbands test results. Food, makes me feel better.....for a while.

The moment of realization came, when my 10 year old son, who is athletic to the core, and even has a 6 pack! said that he was getting fat and needed to go on a diet. Huh...that is not good. He has said it several times, and then I realized...he has a fat mom, a fat dad, and fat grandparents...one of which just recently passed away from leukemia. I am setting a horrible example for my children. What...am I doing? I have no energy to play with my children. I was at the park and told my 3 year old that I was not going to push him on the swings. I didn't have the energy. And then, a woman, who was clearly going through chemotherapy, came over and pushed her toddler on the swing for at least 20 minutes. Oh boy...I felt like an ungrateful mom. Here I was sitting on a bench, too tired because I am too fat...and this woman who is going through something horrible, is finding the energy to push forward and enjoy every moment. Talk about another wake up call! I am missing out on the best years of my life. I am 37 and too young to feel this awful.

So...I have taken back control of my life. I always thought that eating whatever I wanted, was taking control...but that was out of control. I was giving my control away and in the meantime, I was miserable and fat.

One night, while I was feeling an extreme low trying to figure out how to pay all the stacks and stacks of medical bills, I decided to do something for myself. I ordered a month of Nutri-system. The guilt was overwhelming at first, and then I decided that if I did not do something for me..I would be the one in a few years with diabetes and obese diseases that all my relatives have. This is my preventative health care.

So...here I am 6 weeks later, and I have lost almost 20 pounds. Holy Ca-rap is right! I am actually doing it. And you know what the best part about it is? I know WHY I am doing it, and for WHO. Not only am I doing it for my children, I am doing it for ME. My mind has shifted this time, and it has been a totally different experience. (It also doesn't hurt that my 20 year reunion is next summer...I would love to go back and show people what a thin Kristi would look like...that would be a real shocker for everyone!)

Treating Myself Like a Child

I made myself a reward chart. Seriously. And just like a child, I am not getting all gold stars. I'm getting some, and some is progress, but I'm certainly not perfect. Haven't we already established that fact?

My big goal was to lose 2 pounds a week before my family Vegas vaction in February, but I don't think I'll make it. I'm not worried though. Whether I've lost the weight or not, I'll have moved forward in my quest to be healthy and strong. And that's something, right?

The first week, I set some goals that were just way too big and I didn't meet any of them. So last week, I dialed it back and did much better. My goals were to, go to Jazzercise once, drink 8 glasses of water a day, and walk 2500 steps each day.

I met my Jazzercise goal and my steps goal. I drank 8+ glasses five of the seven days. I'm happy with that!

This week, my goal is Jazzercise 2x, 3000 steps a day and I'm still working on the 8 glasses of water a day.

What goals are you working on?

Motivation, I Haz It

In February I'm going to Vegas with my sister, her twenty-something daughter, my aunt and her twenty-something daughter.

I do not want to be the fattest one there.

That's two pounds a week. Technically, I should be able to do this. But will I? Will this be the motivation I need to really make me reach my goals?

I thought so. But of course, after errands and "to-do's" all day I didn't exercise the way I told myself I would and I ate chips and peanut butter (not together, lol!) and just whatever was at hand--not a single veggie or fruit in the lot of it.

*sigh*

What was my motivation again?

Oh yeah. That I don't want to be the fattest one there. Motivation, baby!

Time To Go To War

All I've really got to say is that I'm sucking again. But I'm not going to talk about the sucking, because that doesn't do me any good at all. It doesn't do you any good, either. So, for this post, no complaining is allowed!

When I was doing NutriSystem I met this girl named Alie. One of the awesome things about NS is the amazing discussion boards filled with the most supportive people ever. Alie was one of them. She started at the same time as me and she embraced the program with ferocity.

Alie viewed her fat as the enemy and she'd stop at nothing to defeat it.

She didn't feel sorry for herself, bemoan her lack of self-control, or hate herself for ever getting fat in the first place. Instead, she fought.

Her body had been invaded in the cover of darkness, but now that she could see the intruders in the light of day, so to speak, she wasn't going to let them just take over.

When she worked out and her body ached, she'd imagine the fat cells running away screaming. "Take that!" she'd say, and work out even harder. When she craved sweets, she'd eat something better and think "Ha! Foiled again!" because her fat-making cravings didn't win out.

Of course Alie's human, and occasionally she didn't win the battle. But she didn't surrender, either. She simply regrouped her "troops" (the NS plan, her support group, her courage, her belief in herself) and she'd be back on the battlefield, armed and ready to win.

I'm glad I wrote this post, I needed it. This is a war. A war over my health and wellbeing, a war I can't afford to lose. So maybe my troops lose their way sometimes, or they aren't the best trained or dedicated fighters. But wars have been won by less and even if it takes the rest of my life, I can't afford to just surrender to the enemy. It's mine, damnit. All mine.

It's time I acted like it.

Take That

Today I had a realization. Except unlike most aha moments when you suddenly realize how to make something better in your life, this little brain blast left me feeling pretty darn depressed.

I am not disciplined.

And it's not just my health, either. It's pretty much everything.

Oh, sure. I'm a grown up and certain things need to be done when you're a grown up. I can pay my bills on time, keep my house reasonably well, and all that stuff.

What I don't seem to be able to do is keep any promises to myself.

I say I'm going to write, but I don't. I'm going to eat well, exercise. But I don't.


I can fulfill my promises to other people ~ why can't I pay myself this simple courtesy?

This is definitely one of those "things that make you go hmm" moments. But now that I know where my shortcoming lies, I can face it head on, look it in the eye, and work toward defeating it. 

Take that you lazy pansy!

Ready, Set ...

And, I didn't go.

See, this is why Skinny Man is not the best partner in all of this. He promised he'd walk with me, but he had a crisis come up at work and he said he couldn't go. Nevermind that Monday's walk was only half a mile and would probably only take ten minutes or something. But did I go without him? Um, no.

And I didn't go without him on all the other walks either. But there's still time to try again, so I'm trying again this week.

Exercising With a Goal in Mind

Well, so far I've pretty much sucked at making health and fitness goals, right? So what better time to set yet another goal. And publish it here. Of course. Because I love public humiliation.

Except for that little hope that maybe, just maybe, this'll be the time that I actually do what I set out to do.

Skinny Man has committed to do this particular plan with me--not that that'll increase my chances of success at all--he's even worse just as bad as me.

But, at least I'm not giving up. I'm gonna try. Again.

So, today is Monday. I found this plan in the latest edition of Family Circle magazine, and I'm starting on my plan today. I found a race coming up in seven weeks (this plan is for six weeks) that Skinny Man and I are going to do. It costs money. Hopefully that'll be enough incentive to motivate him--and that'll be enough to motivate me in turn.

It's not a Komen race or anything, which I would have preferred, but it's in the right time frame so it'll still be worth it.

Want to join me?

5K Slim-Down Plan (Family Circle Magazine, Oct 1. 2010)

WK	MON	TUES	WED	THURS	FRI	SAT	SUN
1	.5-mile walk	Cross-train 30 minutes (swim, bike, hike, elliptical, yoga)	1-mile walk	Rest	1.5-mile walk	1.5-mile walk	Rest
2	1.75-mile walk	Cross-train 30 minutes	1.5-mile walk	Rest	1.75-mile walk	1.75-mile walk	Rest
3	2-mile walk	Cross train 30 minutes	2-mile walk	Rest	2.5-mile walk	2.5-mile walk	Rest
4	2-mile walk	Cross train 30 minutes	2.5 mile walk	Rest	3-mile walk	3-mile walk	Rest
5	2-mile walk	Cross-train 30 minutes	2.5-mile walk	Rest	3-mile walk	3-mile walk	Rest
6	2.75-mile walk	Cross-train 30 minutes	2.5-mile walk	Rest	Rest	5K Day!	Rest

Yes, I'm Still Alive & Yes, I'm Still Fat

Sad, but true. I'm not doing Nutrisystem anymore, I'm just . . . living.

Does this make me a big, fat (haha) loser?
Maybe. That's why I'm back here. Because I need you. I need to be accountable to someone, and the people in my real life probably wouldn't appreciate my constant whining about my body. Because I think about it all the time.

You look at me and I'm thinking, "Wait. How fat do I look at this very moment?"

My husband puts his arms around me in bed and his hand grazes the flab at my stomach. I stop breathing. Belatedly, I suck in my gut--but it's too late because he's already felt it. And I wait. I'm wondering, how grossed out is he?

He still loves me. And my friends don't say anything. And in general I still feel decently good about myself. Maybe better than I felt this time last year. But I'm still hyper aware. Still need to improve my treatment of myself. Still looking for a better, healthier me.

If you're here, how are you doing? Where are you in your weight-loss journey?

Move It Along, Ladies

With the weather getting warmer and the days longer, I find myself migrating to the outdoors instead of sitting behind my desk writing. This is a good thing for me, because I have a tendency to hibernate in the winter months and get very little exercise--no outdoor activity at all.

Because I have so much weight to lose, I need to start out slow. The last thing I want to do is have an injury that will limit activity. For those who are already getting a lot of exercise, walking at a brisk pace and increasing your heart rate is the best plan for you, but for someone like me, that has literally hundreds of pounds to lose and has been inactive for months, I need to start slow. My goal for this week is to just get out there, take deep breathes of fresh air and MOVE. Even if I just get to the end of our country lane and back a few times a day, it will be a start and a great improvement. I'm also planning on spending some time at the local hot springs. Using water to eliminate some of the pressure on my joints will help lower the risk of injury. The mineral water will do wonders for my skin and overall health and the resistance of the water as I swim will strengthen all my muscles, not just a few. Regardless of your degree of activity, starting in the pool is always a great idea.

Now if I can just fit into my stinking swim suit. *sigh*

Try, Try Again

I've hesitated posting about this because I'm ashamed. I've officially become that try-every-diet-in-the-world girl. And I'm afraid you'll laugh at me, scoffing, because of course I'm just going to fail again.
But then I realized, the purpose of this blog is total and complete honesty in my search for a thinner and healthier me.

I don't expose myself for some bizarre sense of sensationalism. I do it because I need to learn not to lie to myself, not to excuse myself every time I fail. And I can do that more easily if I think of myself as you.

Okay, so here I am, trying another diet. This time I'm forking out the big bucks to Nutrisystem. My food should arrive today, I'm planning on hitting the grocery store tonight for the supplemental foods required by the diet (salad stuff, fruit, etc.) and will start the diet tomorrow.In the meantime, I've been familiarizing myself with the online tools available on the Nutrisystem site (lots of chat rooms, discussion boards, blogs, member pages, articles and such) and, psyching myself up.

As always, I'll let you know how it goes.

Oh, and if you do Nutrisystem too, please look me up ~ I need all the friends, support and encouragement I can get, and I'd bet you could too. I'm happygrrl on there ;)

All the Tools in the World

All the coolest tools in the world can't make you lose weight.

So I have my fancy dancy pedometer, right? But guess what? If I don't actually do the work of walking all those steps, it does a fat lot of nothin' for me.

Yesterday I walked 1500 steps. Yes, I know how bad that is. But you know? I just couldn't get the walking time in. Scratch that, I could have, but it would have meant I was out walking at ten o'clock at night (I don't like being out late at night, and that's late for me,) or that I was walking around my house. Both of these things I could have done. But I didn't. Why? 'Cuz I didn't want to.

And that's the crux isn't it?

That's why some exercise routines work and some don't. Some diets work and some don't.


It all depends on whether or not you try. Or do. Or whatever the opposite of not caring is. You can have all the neato equipment in the world. A membership to the best gym in town. A really cool collection of awesome workout clothes. And yup ... it's worth about zero because you just don't care enough to get your money/effort's worth out of it.

Or, you pig out on donuts when you get home from working out, right Kristi? ;)

Exercising leads to fatness

I don't know if you all are aware of this or not, studies have shown that exercising leads to weight gain. I'm not talking about the infamous "building muscle" weight gain. I am talking about the good old fashioned puttin on the fat pounds. Oh...alright...I have not found an "official" study that states that if you exercise you will gain weight. I am referring to my own personal study of my life.

Why is it that every single time I start exercising, I start packing on the pounds? I have been walking for the past 3 months, about 2-3 times a week, yes, that in and of itself is a stinkin mir-a-cle!, so why oh why am I fatter than ever? Well...I can tell you why. After my 2.4 mile morning walk, I come home and feel "justified" in eating a donut(I guess I should say donut's because lets get honest here...who can eat just one donut?). Then, an hour later, I feel justified in having four cookies, with a side of See's chocolate, and then for lunch, I feel justifed in having those chicken nuggets, and so on and so on because...Hey! I exercised today! So, just because I exercise...it gives me license to eat and eat? Shouldn't I be turning more health conscious and watching what I eat, because I exercised? Especially since I really, really, dislike exercising. I'll admit it...I am SO lazy when it comes to exercising. If I didn't have a friend that literally called me every....single...morning to get me out walking, I would never do it. I told her I am going to make her a 65 lb. fat suit for her to wear, because that is how much heavier I am than her. That might slow her down a little bit, and help her realize why it is so hard to get this old "voluptuous" body moving every single day.

So...now what? I'm not sure. I just polished off two huge bowls of Captain Crunch Berries...because...Hey! I exercised today.

Sedentary

sed·en·tary \ˈse-d^ən-ˌter-ē\

a : doing or requiring much sitting
b : not physically active

Yes, I'm still obsessing about this. Because 5, 500 steps a day is really, really hard. Especially when my pedometer keeps getting reset whenever I lean against a counter. Considering it's so hard for me to *just get the "sedentary-level" steps in each day* it's a complete downer when the pedometer resets. I either have to start all over again or give up. Usually, I give up.

But I don't want to be lazy.

la·zy \ˈlā-zē\

1 : disinclined to activity or exertion : not energetic or vigorous
2 : moving slowly

I've been watching the athletes compete in the Olympics (we've been obsessively watching this year, don't know why. I don't think we've missed a single "episode" of coverage yet. Crazy.) And I admire them. I admire everything about them. Everything about what it takes to move your body like they do. The hard work they have invested in their sport. The excellence they have striven for, and, achieved. They are stunning. They are amazing. They are inspiring.

They are so not me.

When I watch the athletes do their thing, when I hear them talk about their work ethic, I think I could maybe do that--I want to do that, I want to work that hard and feel that great about myself and my abilities.

And so I realized something.

I am lazy.

If there's a shorter way around, someone else to fetch me something, or if I can consolidate efforts to avoid having to walk to the kitchen/laundry room/etc. more than once, I'll do it. I'm a cheater. And I am lazy.
So, I'm back to using my little pedometer (I'll just avoid leaning against things.) I will get 5, 500 steps each day. And I will eat less. I will because I am sick of being fat. And I don't have to just let it live with me. It's time to evict that fat.

I will not be sedentary. I'll find reasons to get up and move around--take those extra trips upstairs, or wherever. And I'm banishing laziness to another realm.

Today? 7, 408 steps. Yay for me!

Tired of Being Super Dieter?

I don't know about you, but I'm sick of dieting. Sick of counting carbs and calories. Sick of wondering if THIS diet will work. Sick of gaining back everything I lose and then some.

One of my writing friends posted this link on a yahoo group I belong to and I thought it looked interesting. But then I sighed deeply, wondering if it was another quick fix to an emotional, internal problem I haven't been able to heal yet. As with every new diet, I hesitated even opening the link, but then thought . . . what the heck.

I've only briefly scanned a couple of the pages, so I'm not sure I will try it or not, but what I've read certainly sounds promising. If you decide to give it a try, please let me know what you think. I'm going to do more research this week and might give it a go myself. Here's the link: http://loseweight.emofree.com/

Good Luck!!

Keeping a Food Journal

I've tried keeping a food journal before and end up either not being honest with recording what I shove in my mouth, or neglecting the task completely. I've decided I need to give it another try and do my best to be honest. I'm also going to keep track of the calories and carbs. I think that will help me realize how fast they add up and exactly what damage I'm doing to my body.

The second thing I need to do is move more. I keep telling myself that, but find that at the end of the day, I've barely left my office chair to roam around the house and then it's either for food or a bathroom break. With the weather getting nicer outside, I've made it a goal to take more breaks from writing and get out of the house more often. It will also help clear my mind so I can hear my muse whispering.

So, what steps are you taking to reduce the bad foods and increase activity. I'd love to hear all about it.

Going Places

I picked up a cheap pedometer at ShopKo the other day. Just $8.00 and it keeps track of my steps and shows me how I'm doing on meeting a daily goal.

Remember how I said that the average woman takes 5, 500 steps a day, and that's considered sedentary? And how I thought I probably only walked 2, 000 steps a day?

Well, I wasn't far wrong.

My world is very, very small. I rarely venture out of my home, and when I do, I park near the places I need to go.

I set the goal to take 5, 500 steps. I know that's just "sedentary," but I still thought it would be an improvement for me.

By 2:00 p.m. today I'd only taken about 1,500 steps. I began to worry I wouldn't make my 5, 500 goal. I had to run some errands, so I parked far from the doors. By 9:00 p.m. I was still 1,500 steps short of my goal. So I took my dog and walked around the cul de sac, then walked around again.

Now as I write this, my pedometer sits at 5, 535. Yay! I met my goal! But it did take conscious effort to get there.

I realized, while walking around the neighborhood for the second time, that my pedometer is taking me places. It's a very small thing, tracking my steps, but already it got me out of my chair and out of my house.
I'll keep my goal at 5, 500 for a while, maybe for the rest of February. But then I think I'll see where else my pedometer takes me. Because I'm going places. I can feel it.

Workout Wednesday & A Recipe

It's time to start moving ladies! Get up off that couch or away from that computer and MOVE!! That's right, click on this song below, stand up and MOVE IT GIRL!!! Let's get happy, healthy and in the mood for a GREAT DAY!!!



BONUS: For a great recipe go HERE. Baked Parmesan Chicken Breasts. YUMMY!!

Rules To Slim By

Right at this very moment, I'm feeling strong. Booyah! I'm gonna lose weight, gosh darn it!

Here are my rules to slim by:

Leave a couple bites at every meal.
Did you know that following this simple plan can save you 700 calories a week? Enough to stave off the typical two pounds most of us gain each year.

Cook at home one more night each week.
Yes, we eat out way too often. It's my goal to only eat out twice a week and no more.

No eating past 8:00 p.m.
That means no random snacking while sitting on the couch at night. This one will probably be the hardest for me to stick to.

Get a good night's sleep.
I don't have any bad habits that involve the bedroom, like watching TV or taking my laptop to bed, I just don't get to bed early enough. I'm going to work at improving that.

Walk 15 extra minutes every day.
I'm gonna get a pedometer to help me out with this one. According to an article I read, the average woman takes about 5,500 steps a day which is basically sedentary. But whatever our starting point, we should try to increase our steps by 2,000 a day (or about fifteen minutes and 100 calories burned.)

This is going to be hard for me too. If the average woman takes 5,500 steps a day, I probably take, oh, 2,000? I definitely need to increase my movement every day.

If I've planned to exercise, I should do it whether I've missed my optimum time or not.
Last night I did that and I was so proud of myself. I like to exercise in the morning, but it just didn't happen for me. So, at 9:00 last night I finally had some time and I went and did half an hour on my elliptical. It felt awesome to have not let myself down.

By golly, this is gonna me!

You Are What You Wear

Yesterday, while I was sitting in church, I watched people as they came into the chapel and took their seats. I took note of what they were wearing, how the women had their hair done and how some had taken extra time to do their little girls hair up just right. Some were dressed in plain, but nice dresses, some were in fancier garb and a few were even in professional skirt and blazer type attire. I thought about my frumpy dress and how I wished I had a new one. I only have 3-4 dresses that still fit me and even they have seen better days. It was then that I realized I haven't bought new clothes for ages. My pants are getting so thin you can practically see through them and my shirts have been washed so many times, they are at least 5 shades lighter than their original vibrant colors.

So why don't I buy clothes? Easy, I keep thinking I'll lose weight and get into a smaller size. Every time I think about spending money on a new pair of jeans I tell myself it would be a waste of money because they'll be too big for me when I lose all the weight I'm planning to lose. But then I don't and I end up wearing the same old things over and over until they are rags.

Unfortunately, this does two things. One, it depresses me because I never have new and wonderful clothes. And two, I look like crap--which depresses me even more. I truly believe that our attitude and self esteem would sky rocket if we just took the time to do the little things each morning. Never go without doing your hair up and putting on makeup. Don't just wear jewelry when you go out, accessorize for yourself. And go get a few new items to wear, regardless if you're planning on losing or not. At least have one nice outfit that you can feel good in. The change in your self image could give you the boost you need to actually stick to that diet and make better eating and exercise choices.

Deciding What's Best For Me

I had a minor meltdown yesterday.

A friend of mine (great friend, well-meaning) gave me a bottle of oral hCG.

And it kind of freaked me out.

Not that she would give it to me, but the idea that I might do that diet again. I liked the hCG diet the first time I did it, but didn't follow the protocol very well the second time. It's not the diet with which I had the problem. The problem came in the aftermath. And all the fat that is now on my body but once wasn't.

I am now at the weight I was last spring when I went on the hCG diet. But I am two sizes bigger than I was. Yes, bigger. I have way more fat now than I did before. I don't know why. I'm not a scientist and I don't know why such a thing might be, but the fact remains that for me, it's true.

Recently, I've been feeling rather hopeful and kind to myself. Like I said in my post the other day--I'm not giving up, I'm still hanging in there, still trying.

I've been following the baby-step philosophy and I was all ready to post about that today, when this whole issue popped up.

Like I said, I kind of freaked out.

If I go on the diet again I might lose weight. Which would be great, because I totally need to lose weight. But what if I gain it all back again? What if I get even fatter? Again?

If I go on the diet, I might not stick to it as well as I need to and I might fail. Again. (Like when I have I gone on a diet when I haven't failed--eventually?)

Back and forth, back and forth. Should I go on the diet, or shouldn't I? Stress! Freaking out!

And then I talked to a friend (who, coincidentally is gorgeous and healthy and fit) about my panic and . . . relief . . . she gave me permission not go on the hCG diet. Just because my friend gave the medicine to me, does not mean I have to take it. I can keep it and maybe one day I'll want to use it, but for now, it's totally and completely okay for me to do what I'm doing.

Which is baby steps. As in, right now, I'm happy to exercise in whatever form I can. Fifteen minutes on my elliptical. A ten minute walk. Anything that's more movement than before is a success. I'm leaving a couple bites of food on my plate at every meal. If you do that, I've read, it can mean 500 calories saved by the end of the week for the average person. That's enough to stave off the annual 5 lb gain most people experience.

The freak-out has successfully come to an end and I'm at peace with my very small steps forward--for now. How about you?

Workout Wednesday

Here's your inspiration music for the week. I LOVE Black Eyed Peas and this song gets me moving every time, whether I'm sitting in my car, at my desk or working out. Hope you enjoy.

Happy New Year!

Walking through my house the other day, I had an aha! moment.

I was thinking to myself how I hadn't been very successful with my New Year's resolutions "this year." The inner dialogue going on in my head was pretty recriminating and I wasn't cutting myself any slack.

And then, this little voice that's normally timid and shy perked up and said, "Hey! Cut it out!"

Turns out that little chicken-self had something to say in my defense. We're only one month into the New Year. I haven't failed YET.

Elbert Hubbard said, "There is no failure except in no longer trying." I believe this to be true in my writing, so why can't it be true in other aspects of my life?

The answer? It can.

So if I haven't failed yet, then today is as good a day as any, to try, try again.

Therefore, Happy New Year!

If your resolutions have already been flushed down the toilet, then join me in facing this new year together. February first is the new January first, haven't you heard?

I have not failed, because I am not giving up.
So there.

Not So Fast

Okay, so starting out with having only protein for breakfast didn't work. Why? Because I countered the act of dietary obedience with allowing myself the luxury of scarfing down everything chocolate I could get my hands on. We're not talking about an occasional piece of the luscious brown stuff, oh no. I managed to take in the entire candy isle in one week. How can a person succeed in the dieting world with so much temptation everywhere around her. It's just not the basic chocolate bar, but you can get just about anything made of chocolate these days . . .


There's milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, pink chocolate, chocolates filled with cherries and just about anything else you can think of, chocolate cake, chocolate cream pie, chocolate covered strawberries, and chocolate ice cream. But then, let's not forget all those specialty chocolates, made for that person who has everything. There's the . . .

Chocolate Keyboard
A must for the writer in me.

And I wouldn't want any of my work to be lost, so there's the
chocolate USB drive to save all those wonderfully crafted words.

But then when I want to take a break and go shopping, there's even fancy chocolate shoes I can buy. But they'd never be on my feet, unless you count the fat that wraps around my ankles.

Oh, and we cant forget chocolate roses sent by that secret admirer.

Or the candy kiss left on your pillow by that certain someone.

And my own personal favorite, the M&M. And we all know you can't just eat one of those. Once you get started, you can't stop.

And then at the end of the day, when you think you've had your fill of chocolate, you find yourself on a cold winter's night, wishing you had a little something to keep you warm. Do you turn to your lover or a woolen blanket, nope . . . nothing warms the heart like a hot cup of cocoa.

Is there any wonder why I can't sleep at night, wired with all that sugar and caffeine?
So this week my goal is to eliminate MOST of my sugar intake. I will allow myself a tiny amount of the brown stuff, but not every day and in small amounts. Do you think that's possible or will I end up like this poor woman?
Death By Chocolate!
What a way to go.

So tell me what your weaknesses are.
Is it chocolate, chips or Cheetos?
And how do you overcome your craving for them?

Wednesday Workout

Okay, so I chose to post on Monday, but then I thought about putting a great workout song on once a week, so I nabbed Wednesday as well. Maybe a little workout music will help you finish off the week on a good note. Hope this is okay, Ali.

I love moving to the beat of this song. Hope you will, too. If you're just starting out, like me, remember to start slow . . . but START.

Forming Good Habits

Ready to hit the beach this summer with that beautiful body? I wish I was.



About three years ago, I went to a bariatric doctor who put me on a high protein, low carb diet. I lost almost 100 pounds in a little over a year.

YAY for me, right?

The problem was that he had me so many meds and such a CRASH diet, that when it started affecting my health and I had to go off the meds, I gained it all back and then some. I've tried several times to start over on the menu plan of high protein foods, vegetables and low car, low sugar foods, but only last about a week before blowing it all and going back to eating whatever I want.

The problem? I think there are two main issues I need to deal with first.

One - I need to stop thinking about this as a diet and get it into my head that it's a way of life. I need to find something that works for me every day. Something I won't need to go off of in the future. Something I can live with now.

Two - I need to start slow, forming good habits that fit into my lifestyle. This one is the hardest, because my lifestyle is simple. I'm home alone for most of the day with full access to the refrigerator and the pantry. I need to start shopping better, preparing good snacks that can be at my fingertips and not let anything in the front door that will tempt me back into my old ways.

So, I've chosen to start with forming a good habit. I figure if I can do it one step at a time, it will be easier to maintain. Here's how I plan to do this.


I will start one meal at a time, one stack at a time. The first promise I will make to myself is to only eat protein for breakfast. I have a great protein shake in a powder form that I get at Costco. Just add a little ice and water, put it in my mini blender and it's good to go. That will be my first habit. Get up, fix a protein shake and continue with my day. The rest of the day I will try to make good choices, but not get upset if I slip. As long as I'm forming that good habit in the morning, I'll be fine. (I get chocolate flavor for breakfast so I'm not tempted to add fruit. But if you want to get vanilla, you can have a shake for an afternoon snack and add a little low-fat plain yogurt and a few small strawberries for a smoothie.)

AND, just in case you want to join in, the shake is optional. You can eat any protein for breakfast as long as you don't go over 8-9 grams of carbs. So scramble a couple eggs, or have a slice of cheese, or a couple slices of lean bacon. That's fine. You can even have the shake and the other protein. Just stay away from the carbs for breakfast. The pure protein first thing in the morning will jump start your metabolism for the day and get your body to use up yesterday's fat.

Committment Issues

I think I have committment issues.

Take this blog, for instance.

I haven't written in a long time. Why? Probably because I've got nothing good to report. Because I didn't want to come back here and tell ya'll that I'd failed. Again.

I love the new year and all that it offers. I love clean slates and fresh starts. Except where it comes to my weight, I don't like it at all. Not. At. All.

Because I've tried all the stuff and I've failed at all the stuff. Who's to say I won't just fail again?

One thing I can do though, is post to this blog. Chris and I noticed that despite us not writing anything, many people come here regularly. Why? I have no idea. But, if you're coming here, you must be looking for something, right? Comradarie? Association with people going through the same things as you? Friendship? Those things we can do.

So Chris will post each Monday, and I'll post each Thursday ~ and maybe we'll be able to throw in a few extras here and there too. That's a committment we can make.

This doesn't have anything to do with the blog, I just thought it was hysterically funny :)

As for me? Well, you've probably figured it out already. Still fat. Still feeling like a loser.

But I am not a loser. I just haven't found that thing that'll help me turn it around for my health. There, that's a resolution I can make: To change my attitude about my body in 2010. I don't necessarily have to reach a certain weightloss, I just need to learn to love myself more.