A friend of mine (great friend, well-meaning) gave me a bottle of oral hCG.
And it kind of freaked me out.Not that she would give it to me, but the idea that I might do that diet again. I liked the hCG diet the first time I did it, but didn't follow the protocol very well the second time. It's not the diet with which I had the problem. The problem came in the aftermath. And all the fat that is now on my body but once wasn't.
I am now at the weight I was last spring when I went on the hCG diet. But I am two sizes bigger than I was. Yes, bigger. I have way more fat now than I did before. I don't know why. I'm not a scientist and I don't know why such a thing might be, but the fact remains that for me, it's true.
Recently, I've been feeling rather hopeful and kind to myself. Like I said in my post the other day--I'm not giving up, I'm still hanging in there, still trying.
I've been following the baby-step philosophy and I was all ready to post about that today, when this whole issue popped up.
Like I said, I kind of freaked out.
If I go on the diet again I might lose weight. Which would be great, because I totally need to lose weight. But what if I gain it all back again? What if I get even fatter? Again?
If I go on the diet, I might not stick to it as well as I need to and I might fail. Again. (Like when I have I gone on a diet when I haven't failed--eventually?)
Back and forth, back and forth. Should I go on the diet, or shouldn't I? Stress! Freaking out!
And then I talked to a friend (who, coincidentally is gorgeous and healthy and fit) about my panic and . . . relief . . . she gave me permission not go on the hCG diet. Just because my friend gave the medicine to me, does not mean I have to take it. I can keep it and maybe one day I'll want to use it, but for now, it's totally and completely okay for me to do what I'm doing.
Which is baby steps. As in, right now, I'm happy to exercise in whatever form I can. Fifteen minutes on my elliptical. A ten minute walk. Anything that's more movement than before is a success. I'm leaving a couple bites of food on my plate at every meal. If you do that, I've read, it can mean 500 calories saved by the end of the week for the average person. That's enough to stave off the annual 5 lb gain most people experience.
The freak-out has successfully come to an end and I'm at peace with my very small steps forward--for now. How about you?
