Like Kristi, I checked out Overeaters Anonymous before I started this blog. I was looking for answers - any answers. I didn't want to commit to a whole group-thang, so I passed on that, and I didn't notice the questions that Kristi mentioned about whether or not OA was for you. So I went back there the other day and answered the questions.
All I can say is, WOW.
These are the questions, lifted off of the Overeaters Anonymous website, to find out if you are a compulsive eater:
1. Do you eat when you're not hungry?
Umm ... yes. Is that a problem? In fact, I'm not sure I ever eat when I am actually hungry - at least, not if I can help it.
2. Do you go on eating binges for no apparent reason?
Yes. That's why I'm here. I manage my eating perhaps 80% of the time, but there's that pesky 20% when I can't get enough.
3. Do you have feelings of guilt and remorse after overeating?
Pretty much all the time, because either I'm eating the wrong stuff, too much stuff, or I'm wishing it was something better tasting.
4. Do you give too much time and thought to food?
I think about food pretty much all of the time. What I will eat next, when, where. All the time.
5. Do you look forward with pleasure and anticipation to the time when you can eat alone?
Yes! This is my favorite reason for my hubby to go on business trips, which I otherwise hate. When he's gone, I don't have to feel guilty (or at least, I don't have to be SEEN) when I have my late-night pig-outs.
6. Do you plan these secret binges ahead of time?
YES! I dream of when he's away, or when the kids are out of the house so I can eat that last chocolate bar, or spoonfuls of peanut butter.
7. Do you eat sensibly before others and make up for it alone?
Absolutely. I'm the picture of health. Other people have no idea what I eat (or how much) behind their backs.
8. Is your weight affecting the way you live your life?
Perhaps not so much yet. Although, my friends want me to go walking with them in the mornings, but I can't keep up with them, so I miss out on that. And I would like to be able to go sledding with my boys and other stuff like that, but I don't dare.
9. Have you tried to diet for a week (or longer), only to fall short of your goal?
Oh yeah. Every single time. I am totally afraid of diets now because they always end in failure.
10. Do you resent others telling you to "use a little willpower" to stop overeating?
Yeah, that and when they are full of ideas as to what will work for me, or the "you just need to ..." advice. I've BTDT and NONE of it has worked.
11. Despite evidence to the contrary, have you continued to assert that you can diet "on your own" whenever you wish?
I'm getting over that, but otherwise, I would have said yes. Up until maybe two or three months ago, I totally thought that if I really did just TRY harder, I would and could lose weight. Now I'm just totally discouraged and think maybe I never, ever will lose this weight.
12. Do you crave to eat at a definite time, day or night, other than mealtime?
Yes. Mostly in the mid-afternoon when I wish I could have privacy for half an hour to eat alone - and whatever I want, and in the late evenings.
13. Do you eat to escape from worries or trouble?
Absolutely. There's this commercial for Paul Blart - Mall Cop where they guy is having a piece of pie and smearing it with peanut butter after he has failed the police officer test for the umpteenth time. He says "Pie, it just fills the cracks of your heart." Yup, I totally get that.
14. Have you ever been treated for obesity or a food-related condition?
No. But I think mainly because I haven't ever told anyone about my secret eating habits. I'm quite sure I have what's called "binge-eating disorder".
15. Does your eating behavior make you or others unhappy?
Yes. Here's my biggest guilty admission: I've eaten treats my boys were looking forward to eating and blamed it on the dog.
So it's clear I have an eating problem. But I'm hoping that coming clean with my behavior, pulling back the curtain, so to speak, will help me heal those cracks in my heart - NOT with pie, but with truth and love for myself.
