Deciding What's Best For Me

I had a minor meltdown yesterday.

A friend of mine (great friend, well-meaning) gave me a bottle of oral hCG.

And it kind of freaked me out.

Not that she would give it to me, but the idea that I might do that diet again. I liked the hCG diet the first time I did it, but didn't follow the protocol very well the second time. It's not the diet with which I had the problem. The problem came in the aftermath. And all the fat that is now on my body but once wasn't.

I am now at the weight I was last spring when I went on the hCG diet. But I am two sizes bigger than I was. Yes, bigger. I have way more fat now than I did before. I don't know why. I'm not a scientist and I don't know why such a thing might be, but the fact remains that for me, it's true.

Recently, I've been feeling rather hopeful and kind to myself. Like I said in my post the other day--I'm not giving up, I'm still hanging in there, still trying.

I've been following the baby-step philosophy and I was all ready to post about that today, when this whole issue popped up.

Like I said, I kind of freaked out.

If I go on the diet again I might lose weight. Which would be great, because I totally need to lose weight. But what if I gain it all back again? What if I get even fatter? Again?

If I go on the diet, I might not stick to it as well as I need to and I might fail. Again. (Like when I have I gone on a diet when I haven't failed--eventually?)

Back and forth, back and forth. Should I go on the diet, or shouldn't I? Stress! Freaking out!

And then I talked to a friend (who, coincidentally is gorgeous and healthy and fit) about my panic and . . . relief . . . she gave me permission not go on the hCG diet. Just because my friend gave the medicine to me, does not mean I have to take it. I can keep it and maybe one day I'll want to use it, but for now, it's totally and completely okay for me to do what I'm doing.

Which is baby steps. As in, right now, I'm happy to exercise in whatever form I can. Fifteen minutes on my elliptical. A ten minute walk. Anything that's more movement than before is a success. I'm leaving a couple bites of food on my plate at every meal. If you do that, I've read, it can mean 500 calories saved by the end of the week for the average person. That's enough to stave off the annual 5 lb gain most people experience.

The freak-out has successfully come to an end and I'm at peace with my very small steps forward--for now. How about you?

Workout Wednesday

Here's your inspiration music for the week. I LOVE Black Eyed Peas and this song gets me moving every time, whether I'm sitting in my car, at my desk or working out. Hope you enjoy.

Happy New Year!

Walking through my house the other day, I had an aha! moment.

I was thinking to myself how I hadn't been very successful with my New Year's resolutions "this year." The inner dialogue going on in my head was pretty recriminating and I wasn't cutting myself any slack.

And then, this little voice that's normally timid and shy perked up and said, "Hey! Cut it out!"

Turns out that little chicken-self had something to say in my defense. We're only one month into the New Year. I haven't failed YET.

Elbert Hubbard said, "There is no failure except in no longer trying." I believe this to be true in my writing, so why can't it be true in other aspects of my life?

The answer? It can.

So if I haven't failed yet, then today is as good a day as any, to try, try again.

Therefore, Happy New Year!

If your resolutions have already been flushed down the toilet, then join me in facing this new year together. February first is the new January first, haven't you heard?

I have not failed, because I am not giving up.
So there.

Not So Fast

Okay, so starting out with having only protein for breakfast didn't work. Why? Because I countered the act of dietary obedience with allowing myself the luxury of scarfing down everything chocolate I could get my hands on. We're not talking about an occasional piece of the luscious brown stuff, oh no. I managed to take in the entire candy isle in one week. How can a person succeed in the dieting world with so much temptation everywhere around her. It's just not the basic chocolate bar, but you can get just about anything made of chocolate these days . . .


There's milk chocolate, dark chocolate, white chocolate, pink chocolate, chocolates filled with cherries and just about anything else you can think of, chocolate cake, chocolate cream pie, chocolate covered strawberries, and chocolate ice cream. But then, let's not forget all those specialty chocolates, made for that person who has everything. There's the . . .

Chocolate Keyboard
A must for the writer in me.

And I wouldn't want any of my work to be lost, so there's the
chocolate USB drive to save all those wonderfully crafted words.

But then when I want to take a break and go shopping, there's even fancy chocolate shoes I can buy. But they'd never be on my feet, unless you count the fat that wraps around my ankles.

Oh, and we cant forget chocolate roses sent by that secret admirer.

Or the candy kiss left on your pillow by that certain someone.

And my own personal favorite, the M&M. And we all know you can't just eat one of those. Once you get started, you can't stop.

And then at the end of the day, when you think you've had your fill of chocolate, you find yourself on a cold winter's night, wishing you had a little something to keep you warm. Do you turn to your lover or a woolen blanket, nope . . . nothing warms the heart like a hot cup of cocoa.

Is there any wonder why I can't sleep at night, wired with all that sugar and caffeine?
So this week my goal is to eliminate MOST of my sugar intake. I will allow myself a tiny amount of the brown stuff, but not every day and in small amounts. Do you think that's possible or will I end up like this poor woman?
Death By Chocolate!
What a way to go.

So tell me what your weaknesses are.
Is it chocolate, chips or Cheetos?
And how do you overcome your craving for them?

Wednesday Workout

Okay, so I chose to post on Monday, but then I thought about putting a great workout song on once a week, so I nabbed Wednesday as well. Maybe a little workout music will help you finish off the week on a good note. Hope this is okay, Ali.

I love moving to the beat of this song. Hope you will, too. If you're just starting out, like me, remember to start slow . . . but START.

Forming Good Habits

Ready to hit the beach this summer with that beautiful body? I wish I was.



About three years ago, I went to a bariatric doctor who put me on a high protein, low carb diet. I lost almost 100 pounds in a little over a year.

YAY for me, right?

The problem was that he had me so many meds and such a CRASH diet, that when it started affecting my health and I had to go off the meds, I gained it all back and then some. I've tried several times to start over on the menu plan of high protein foods, vegetables and low car, low sugar foods, but only last about a week before blowing it all and going back to eating whatever I want.

The problem? I think there are two main issues I need to deal with first.

One - I need to stop thinking about this as a diet and get it into my head that it's a way of life. I need to find something that works for me every day. Something I won't need to go off of in the future. Something I can live with now.

Two - I need to start slow, forming good habits that fit into my lifestyle. This one is the hardest, because my lifestyle is simple. I'm home alone for most of the day with full access to the refrigerator and the pantry. I need to start shopping better, preparing good snacks that can be at my fingertips and not let anything in the front door that will tempt me back into my old ways.

So, I've chosen to start with forming a good habit. I figure if I can do it one step at a time, it will be easier to maintain. Here's how I plan to do this.


I will start one meal at a time, one stack at a time. The first promise I will make to myself is to only eat protein for breakfast. I have a great protein shake in a powder form that I get at Costco. Just add a little ice and water, put it in my mini blender and it's good to go. That will be my first habit. Get up, fix a protein shake and continue with my day. The rest of the day I will try to make good choices, but not get upset if I slip. As long as I'm forming that good habit in the morning, I'll be fine. (I get chocolate flavor for breakfast so I'm not tempted to add fruit. But if you want to get vanilla, you can have a shake for an afternoon snack and add a little low-fat plain yogurt and a few small strawberries for a smoothie.)

AND, just in case you want to join in, the shake is optional. You can eat any protein for breakfast as long as you don't go over 8-9 grams of carbs. So scramble a couple eggs, or have a slice of cheese, or a couple slices of lean bacon. That's fine. You can even have the shake and the other protein. Just stay away from the carbs for breakfast. The pure protein first thing in the morning will jump start your metabolism for the day and get your body to use up yesterday's fat.

Committment Issues

I think I have committment issues.

Take this blog, for instance.

I haven't written in a long time. Why? Probably because I've got nothing good to report. Because I didn't want to come back here and tell ya'll that I'd failed. Again.

I love the new year and all that it offers. I love clean slates and fresh starts. Except where it comes to my weight, I don't like it at all. Not. At. All.

Because I've tried all the stuff and I've failed at all the stuff. Who's to say I won't just fail again?

One thing I can do though, is post to this blog. Chris and I noticed that despite us not writing anything, many people come here regularly. Why? I have no idea. But, if you're coming here, you must be looking for something, right? Comradarie? Association with people going through the same things as you? Friendship? Those things we can do.

So Chris will post each Monday, and I'll post each Thursday ~ and maybe we'll be able to throw in a few extras here and there too. That's a committment we can make.

This doesn't have anything to do with the blog, I just thought it was hysterically funny :)

As for me? Well, you've probably figured it out already. Still fat. Still feeling like a loser.

But I am not a loser. I just haven't found that thing that'll help me turn it around for my health. There, that's a resolution I can make: To change my attitude about my body in 2010. I don't necessarily have to reach a certain weightloss, I just need to learn to love myself more.