A Plane Crash Didn't Make Me Fat

In fact, it wasn't an accident at all.

I chose each and every one of those bites of tasty food. I chose to skip all those workouts.

Recently I heard about Stephanie Nielsen, a popular blogger who was in a plane crash with her husband. Both of them suffered serious injuries as a result of the accident, with Stephanie being burned over (I believe) 89% of her body.

Stephanie's blog from the other day struck me to the core. She wrote about her sorrow at not being able to recognize herself in the mirror anymore. About her desire to be beautiful.

What happened to Stephanie was not her fault. She was dealt a bad hand and she's making the most of it. She's fighting her way back to health and a new kind of beauty--the kind that radiates from the inside out.

But what happened to me, is my fault. I chose my path, every step. If, when I look in the mirror, I don't like what I see, it is because I've fashioned the mask that I wear out of guilt, insecurity, loneliness, despair, laziness, anger . . . I've covered myself with feelings so I can no longer see the girl that lives inside of me.

The beautiful girl that wants to shine. Me.

Stephanie can't undo the damage that's been done to her body. She has no choice but to accept and live.

I, however, have every choice. I have the ability to completely undo all the bad choices I've made and make myself beautiful once more.

YIKES!

Man oh man, did I get an eye opener. I went to a book launch party for a fellow author Tuesday and took a few pictures of me and my writing buddies. Loaded up the pics this morning and EEEK! Let's just say I need to lose more than just a few pounds.

Yep, that would be me there on the left. Can't even see Ali cuz my tummy is covering her. At least you can see her beautiful face. Isn't she cute?
The other two in the picture are writing friends, Kimberly Job and Daron Fraley.
Both gorgeous and talented, I might add.

So, once again, here I go looking for some kind of diet that will work for me and promising to exercise everyday. Sheesh! There's got to be something that works here.

Just put the fork down!


Did anyone hear something? Could have sworn I heard a voice from the distance.
Oh, well. I'm off and running (waddling).

The More the Merrier

Sometimes that's not always true. More fat does not make me merrier. But more chocolate does.

More aches and pains on my over-burdened body does not make me merrier. But more chocolate does.

And right up there with chocolate is friendship. More friends definitely make things merrier. Especially when they are the right friends.

Well, I've invited a friend to join me here and I know you'll agree--she's definitely going to add a lot to this party.

Meet, Christine Bryant. Writer extraordinaire, and fellow fatty. She told me she likes to collect funny pictures and cartoons of fat people, so I know she'll liven things up around here. This is what she said to tell you . . .

"I'm funny, gorgeous, smart, talented, beautiful, skinny and....honest."

Just you wait and see . . . I know you're gonna love her just as much as I do. Welcome Chris!

Things That Make Me Fat

My apologies for not writing in so long. It's not that I'm totally skinny now and don't need to think about my weight. No, no, it's not that at all. It's just that . . . I haven't wanted to look at my weight issues too closely, ya know?

Recently, a local news station ran a bit about the dangers of taking hCG without a doctor's care and my "pusher" (lol) has decided she doesn't want to be a drug dealer and so she's not going to facilitate getting the medicine anymore. I wasn't even really sure I wanted to, I don't know. I loved it the first time round when I really worked the program the way I was supposed to. But didn't like it so much the second time when I was a bit more carefree with the restrictions.

However, I liked knowing it was still an option for me. I'm quite sure I won't be signing up with a local weight weight loss clinic for $200 a pop. No, probably not.

Yet, the bulk (ha!) of the weight remains and my issues with it still remain. I have been really good at not binging for quite some time, but . . . I still have things that make me fat.

1. I stay up late and sleep in late, leaving no time for exercise in the morning (really my only time for exercise because I home school and then we're on the run until evening and then I'm too exhausted to exercise.)
2. I like food that's bad for me. I like hamburgers and fries and we eat out a lot. Way, way too much. Because my family, and I, like it. And I don't want to choose a salad, I want the hamburger.
3. We eat out a lot. Mainly because I get tired or stressed or I haven't adequately planned the week's menu. Or I planned, but I failed to get groceries. It's like sabotage. Oh gee, there's nothing for dinner, guess we should eat out!
4. Sometimes I just like to pop something into my mouth. Cookies work really well for this. They're small, yummy, and easy to grab and go. Fruits take far more work, plus they are bigger, and sometimes I don't want to eat that much. So I just eat crap instead.
   
5. I can't resist nighttime snacking when Skinny Man brings out the Fritos or ice cream. I don't always have what he's having, but his snacking awakens my own desires and I just. can't. resist. must. snack.
6. I don't drink nearly enough water. 'Nuff said.

Because there's nothing more fun that beating a dead horse, I'm back here again. Self-flagellation and all that. (So, I'm a dead horse? Hmm . . . might explain a few things.)

This week I'm going to work on 1 and 6. Going to bed at a decent time, getting up early, and drinking water. I'm not going to say how much, just more will suffice.

If you're reading this, where are you in your weight-loss journey? What's working for you? Or how will you, like me, start over, again?

Cheating on the hCG Diet

Oh yeah, this time round has not been a walk in the park.

It's the chicken and the egg argument all over again. Am I hungry so much because I've been cheating a little? Or has the diet not been meeting my needs this time and so I've been cheating?

It's a conundrum, I know.

I've been on the diet for two weeks now and I'm suffering, man. I've had pizza, I've had a bowl of cereal, I've had some popcorn. Bad, bad, bad.

I've lost almost six pounds, but seriously? Come on, that's lame.

I'm trying to focus and tough out the last week of the low-cal part of the diet, but tomorrow's my birthday so, yeah ... not feeling all the confident. But I'm gonna try. Seriously.

I really wanted to get to 155 this round of the diet. That's five more pounds and I've only lost 5.5 in two whole weeks, so I'm not sure how confident I am that I can meet that goal. *sigh*

Maybe it's because I don't have any friends doing the diet with me with this time. Last time, I shopped with friends, shared meal ideas, shared meals even. Definitely, those things were a big help last time and I really miss them. I feel so weak without a friend to support me.

So it hasn't been a stellar go at the diet this time and I can definitely see how some people might hate the diet if this was how their first attempt went. Luckily, my first time was excellent, so I'm not ready to write the diet off because I'm having a bad couple of weeks.

Even if I weren't to lose any more weight than the near-six I've lost so far this round, this diet has still been a resounding success. I've lost almost twenty pounds in three months. That's not shabby at all.

Binging Blech

I've started on my second round of the hCG diet. I'm on day two, which means I'm still in the major pigging-out stage. You'd think that would be awesome fun, right? Eating as much as of I want of all the bad-for-me stuff I love? Yeah ... not so much. What's happened to me?

Actually, I think what's happened to me is ... (shudder, gasp) my body likes being healthy.

I KNOW! This is why I wondered what in the world is happening to me? I LOVE eating bad-for-me stuff. Or ... I used to.

But today I've been battling a migraine all day and I've had diarrhea most of the day too. Rotten, sucky, stinky. The good new is, it makes me really look forward to starting on the low-cal portion of the diet tomorrow.

I felt so good on the diet, clean, healthy, lighter, happier. I'll try to enjoy the last of the pig-out, but ... it's not as much fun as it used to be.

Life After the hCG Diet

It's been six weeks since I finished my last hCG shot and it has been easily as educational for me as the diet itself.

I've learned that my body really needs a low carb diet. The minute I start adding carbs to my diet, my weight jumps up and I feel rotten to boot. The good news is, the first time it happened to me I did that steak and tomatoes thing I told you about and the extra weight just popped right off.

I gained back two pounds, but have stayed at a consistent weight, still twelve pounds less than my starting weight for six weeks. I consider that a success. I start back on another round of the shots on Sunday and I'm looking forward to losing another ten to fifteen pounds. I had hoped the diet would be *more* successful, in that I hoped to lose in the twenties each round, but I'm really happy with how I've done. It just means I'll have to do the shots a few times as opposed to only twice like I'd originally hoped.

One of the reasons why I'm excited to start the diet again is because I need more practice making the good choices a part of my life. I've definitely improved--even Skinny Man noticed that I've been making better choices. But, I think I can only get better with more practice.

When I went on vacation a week or so back and we started eating crappy food. And man, I went insane. Holy Smokes. I ate like a madwoman. You'd think my husband had been starving me or something. Mostly, I pigged out on the bed late at night watching TV. I ate doughnuts and chips and chocolate bars. It was seriously bad. I thought my stomach would explode it was so full. And I'm talkin' more than once too.

I still don't know where that insanity came from, but I finally went "whoa" and got a grip. I wish I knew how I managed to do that because it's that fall from grace that scares me the most. That complete abandon of all that I know to be good and right. And that rebellious chick inside me who screams "I can pig out if I want to!" I have no idea what to do with her when she shows up.

But, like I said, I did get over it and it didn't do any damage to my weight and, I feel so good having kicked her in the behind and out of the house that I feel strangely empowered. I suspect she'll come back. I suspect she's like a teenager who never truly moves out. Just keeps coming back to do their laundry. But at least now I know I can kick her out and I can reclaim my sanity when she's gone.

Kinda nervous to start back on the diet again, but ... kinda excited too! Ten more pounds (or more)! Yeah!