Take That

Today I had a realization. Except unlike most aha moments when you suddenly realize how to make something better in your life, this little brain blast left me feeling pretty darn depressed.

I am not disciplined.

And it's not just my health, either. It's pretty much everything.

Oh, sure. I'm a grown up and certain things need to be done when you're a grown up. I can pay my bills on time, keep my house reasonably well, and all that stuff.

What I don't seem to be able to do is keep any promises to myself.

I say I'm going to write, but I don't. I'm going to eat well, exercise. But I don't.


I can fulfill my promises to other people ~ why can't I pay myself this simple courtesy?

This is definitely one of those "things that make you go hmm" moments. But now that I know where my shortcoming lies, I can face it head on, look it in the eye, and work toward defeating it. 

Take that you lazy pansy!

Ready, Set ...

And, I didn't go.

See, this is why Skinny Man is not the best partner in all of this. He promised he'd walk with me, but he had a crisis come up at work and he said he couldn't go. Nevermind that Monday's walk was only half a mile and would probably only take ten minutes or something. But did I go without him? Um, no.

And I didn't go without him on all the other walks either. But there's still time to try again, so I'm trying again this week.

Exercising With a Goal in Mind

Well, so far I've pretty much sucked at making health and fitness goals, right? So what better time to set yet another goal. And publish it here. Of course. Because I love public humiliation.

Except for that little hope that maybe, just maybe, this'll be the time that I actually do what I set out to do.

Skinny Man has committed to do this particular plan with me--not that that'll increase my chances of success at all--he's even worse just as bad as me.

But, at least I'm not giving up. I'm gonna try. Again.

So, today is Monday. I found this plan in the latest edition of Family Circle magazine, and I'm starting on my plan today. I found a race coming up in seven weeks (this plan is for six weeks) that Skinny Man and I are going to do. It costs money. Hopefully that'll be enough incentive to motivate him--and that'll be enough to motivate me in turn.

It's not a Komen race or anything, which I would have preferred, but it's in the right time frame so it'll still be worth it.

Want to join me?

5K Slim-Down Plan (Family Circle Magazine, Oct 1. 2010)

WK	MON	TUES	WED	THURS	FRI	SAT	SUN
1	.5-mile walk	Cross-train 30 minutes (swim, bike, hike, elliptical, yoga)	1-mile walk	Rest	1.5-mile walk	1.5-mile walk	Rest
2	1.75-mile walk	Cross-train 30 minutes	1.5-mile walk	Rest	1.75-mile walk	1.75-mile walk	Rest
3	2-mile walk	Cross train 30 minutes	2-mile walk	Rest	2.5-mile walk	2.5-mile walk	Rest
4	2-mile walk	Cross train 30 minutes	2.5 mile walk	Rest	3-mile walk	3-mile walk	Rest
5	2-mile walk	Cross-train 30 minutes	2.5-mile walk	Rest	3-mile walk	3-mile walk	Rest
6	2.75-mile walk	Cross-train 30 minutes	2.5-mile walk	Rest	Rest	5K Day!	Rest

Yes, I'm Still Alive & Yes, I'm Still Fat

Sad, but true. I'm not doing Nutrisystem anymore, I'm just . . . living.

Does this make me a big, fat (haha) loser?
Maybe. That's why I'm back here. Because I need you. I need to be accountable to someone, and the people in my real life probably wouldn't appreciate my constant whining about my body. Because I think about it all the time.

You look at me and I'm thinking, "Wait. How fat do I look at this very moment?"

My husband puts his arms around me in bed and his hand grazes the flab at my stomach. I stop breathing. Belatedly, I suck in my gut--but it's too late because he's already felt it. And I wait. I'm wondering, how grossed out is he?

He still loves me. And my friends don't say anything. And in general I still feel decently good about myself. Maybe better than I felt this time last year. But I'm still hyper aware. Still need to improve my treatment of myself. Still looking for a better, healthier me.

If you're here, how are you doing? Where are you in your weight-loss journey?

Move It Along, Ladies

With the weather getting warmer and the days longer, I find myself migrating to the outdoors instead of sitting behind my desk writing. This is a good thing for me, because I have a tendency to hibernate in the winter months and get very little exercise--no outdoor activity at all.

Because I have so much weight to lose, I need to start out slow. The last thing I want to do is have an injury that will limit activity. For those who are already getting a lot of exercise, walking at a brisk pace and increasing your heart rate is the best plan for you, but for someone like me, that has literally hundreds of pounds to lose and has been inactive for months, I need to start slow. My goal for this week is to just get out there, take deep breathes of fresh air and MOVE. Even if I just get to the end of our country lane and back a few times a day, it will be a start and a great improvement. I'm also planning on spending some time at the local hot springs. Using water to eliminate some of the pressure on my joints will help lower the risk of injury. The mineral water will do wonders for my skin and overall health and the resistance of the water as I swim will strengthen all my muscles, not just a few. Regardless of your degree of activity, starting in the pool is always a great idea.

Now if I can just fit into my stinking swim suit. *sigh*

Try, Try Again

I've hesitated posting about this because I'm ashamed. I've officially become that try-every-diet-in-the-world girl. And I'm afraid you'll laugh at me, scoffing, because of course I'm just going to fail again.
But then I realized, the purpose of this blog is total and complete honesty in my search for a thinner and healthier me.

I don't expose myself for some bizarre sense of sensationalism. I do it because I need to learn not to lie to myself, not to excuse myself every time I fail. And I can do that more easily if I think of myself as you.

Okay, so here I am, trying another diet. This time I'm forking out the big bucks to Nutrisystem. My food should arrive today, I'm planning on hitting the grocery store tonight for the supplemental foods required by the diet (salad stuff, fruit, etc.) and will start the diet tomorrow.In the meantime, I've been familiarizing myself with the online tools available on the Nutrisystem site (lots of chat rooms, discussion boards, blogs, member pages, articles and such) and, psyching myself up.

As always, I'll let you know how it goes.

Oh, and if you do Nutrisystem too, please look me up ~ I need all the friends, support and encouragement I can get, and I'd bet you could too. I'm happygrrl on there ;)

All the Tools in the World

All the coolest tools in the world can't make you lose weight.

So I have my fancy dancy pedometer, right? But guess what? If I don't actually do the work of walking all those steps, it does a fat lot of nothin' for me.

Yesterday I walked 1500 steps. Yes, I know how bad that is. But you know? I just couldn't get the walking time in. Scratch that, I could have, but it would have meant I was out walking at ten o'clock at night (I don't like being out late at night, and that's late for me,) or that I was walking around my house. Both of these things I could have done. But I didn't. Why? 'Cuz I didn't want to.

And that's the crux isn't it?

That's why some exercise routines work and some don't. Some diets work and some don't.


It all depends on whether or not you try. Or do. Or whatever the opposite of not caring is. You can have all the neato equipment in the world. A membership to the best gym in town. A really cool collection of awesome workout clothes. And yup ... it's worth about zero because you just don't care enough to get your money/effort's worth out of it.

Or, you pig out on donuts when you get home from working out, right Kristi? ;)