Breaking My Own Rules

I hate diets. In fact, I despise them.

Why? Because I suck at them. And I'm nothing if not one who needs reciprocated love.

I loved Weight Watchers until I didn't lose anything more than a quarter pound that kept leaving and returning, but never staying gone for long. I believe they call that fluctuation.

I loved South Beach and stayed on it for nearly two months before giving up. I lost a whopping two or three pounds on South Beach, even after denying myself all my sweet treats and happy-making-meals for what felt like eons.

But today, I started a new diet. 

I know, slap me. But I really do have hopes for this one. Why do I think it might work? Because I'm doing it with a handful of friends and we're going to meet once a week to check in, help each other, offer tips and support. Also, it's a very strict diet but it only lasts for three weeks AND you lose a lot of weight during that time. So I'm thinking that especially if I'm seeing results, I can do anything for three weeks.

What is this remarkable diet? Well, it's the hCG diet. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that I'm doing it, because I'm not normally one to fall in with fads. However, a couple of my friends have done it (two of them are doing it again with me this time) and they have both had success in losing weight and in keeping it off for over a year. And ... I really need something to give me a boost. 

So, today I started the diet. What it entails is a daily shot of hCG--the hormone women produce when they are pregnant. The drug tricks the body into thinking that it is pregnant and starts burning a ton of calories--something like 2500 a day. 

For the first two days, you eat like a maniac. Anything and everything you can possibly consume. The more, the better. I'm not one hundred percent clear on why you do that, but I think it has something to do with tricking your body again. Your body is not only pregnant, but is also getting so many calories, it starts to burn them in earnest. Except on the third day, and for the next three weeks, you consume so little that your body's ramped up calorie-burning needs turn to your fat stores instead.

Anyway, so far so good, right? I mean, I love the gorging part. We'll see how the actual super-low calorie diet part goes--that starts on Tuesday. Don't judge me--please. Just, wish me luck, okay?

You Can't Trust A Thing I Say

And by now, you've probably figured that out.

When it comes to myself and my health, you just can't trust me. 

I haven't been reading the scriptures and talks I said I would. I haven't been watching what I eat. Like I said, I'm a bad, bad girl.

I have however, been exercising. I KNOW! Go figure. I can't explain it either. It's just been happening.

Nothing more to report just now, I just wanted you to know I hadn't yet eaten myself to death, so I guess that's something.

A Perfect Brightness of Hope

Only a couple of months behind my goal, I'm now working on step two of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints' twelve step program for overcoming addiction. This step is all about Hope.

"Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life"

(2 Nephi 31:20.)

At General Conference this past weekend, President Monson said, "Fear not, the future is as bright as your faith." If you have a perfect brightness of hope, then you will be blessed. 

But how do you get faith? How do you nurture hope? This is a mystery to me. 

I want to have faith that I can get better. I want to have hope in Christ. But sometimes I just don't manage to make it happen. 

Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles talked at Saturday's session of Conference about addiction to food. He gave suggestions on how one can overcome the temptations of life. Elder Pearson also talked about the 6 Destructive D's that put us in Satan's power and ruin our lives. I related to both of these talks--I'll watch for them in the upcoming Ensign so I read and ponder them more.

In the meantime, I intend to read my scriptures more in an effort to feast upon His words. I want to let Him help me. I know He can. I know He would want to--the thing that keeps Him from me is not Him at all, but only myself.

The other night as I was saying my prayers, I felt like I couldn't make my prayer heard, like I was only talking to myself. And I didn't know what to say anyway. It's the same old thing all the time--just more of me saying I can't do this alone, but almost while asking for help thinking to myself that He won't help me because I'm not worthy.

When I lay down in my bed after saying my prayer, the hymn "How Firm a Foundation" came flowing into my mind. And not just any part . . . 

Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;

I’ll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand

Upheld by My righteous, omnipotent hand.

This was the answer to my prayer that I had asked for. I believe Heavenly Father answered me through this hymn. This is what He would tell me, if He were here face to face. He would tell me I can do this--I can do anything that is good and right. Because He will ever stand with me, He will strengthen and help me.

He will hold me up with His righteous, omnipotent hand.

So, there is hope, after all.

Mercy

"And now, because ye are compelled to be humble blessed are ye; for a man sometimes, if he is compelled to be humble, seeketh repentance; and now surely, whosoever repenteth shall find mercy; and he that findeth mercy and endureth to the end the same shall be saved" 

(Alma 32:13.)

I found this scripture so interesting because there is also another scripture in which we are told that we must not be compelled in all things. And yet, the Lord sees fit to compel us to be humble. I think He does that because He wants to be able to grant us his love and mercy, but we will never accept those things unless we are first humble. 

And none of us, really, wants to be humble.

You know what I mean--we want to be beautiful, smart, charming, sexy. We don't want to feel like we are the exact opposite of these things, and yet, that's what brings us to our low, helps us be humble. And from there, we look up and ask for help.

From there, if we are open-hearted, we can receive the mercy that Father wants so badly to give us.

I am working on this. Oh man, I'm working on it. It's so hard because I always just feel unworthy of His help. But then I read this scripture and am reminded that He loves me and that He wants to help me. He is a merciful Father, and He knows my every challenge, my every need.